I looked at my own cervix.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
