Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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