Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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