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Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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