Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
