Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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