she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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