I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
