I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
