He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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