remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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