I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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