I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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