you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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