If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize