i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
