Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's Friday. Sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
