im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
