you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
and eventually we just all took our pants off
tell me about the fingering
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize