Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
