He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
