She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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