he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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