she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
