I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
