It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
