There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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