Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
