Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
