i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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