I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
