I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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