I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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