So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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