Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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