from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
