I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't deserve a penis
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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