peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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