woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays