drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage