youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who died my cat blue again?