that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
honey bunches of taint.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.