Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
