you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
