You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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