Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
