What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
