he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
