I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
