its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
