You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is my gift to your gina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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