nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
