Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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