Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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