Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
