i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
