if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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