That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
