So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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