Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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