I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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