i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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