should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Enjoy the penises
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
