very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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