babies were throwing up all over the place
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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