either way he was missing a nipple.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
