He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
