my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
