I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
