WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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