Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
