the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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