I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
