i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
