at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
