I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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