The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
