i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
