what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
