cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
