So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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