I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
