I wish my penis had an off switch
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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