I think I am morally bankrupt
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
