Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
