Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
